So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
