thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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