She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
