all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
