I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
