Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
