Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize