i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
