Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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