Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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