I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
