i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
