I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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