What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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