That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
