Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize