Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm just crazy horny about you
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
