The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Never underestimate the power of titties
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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