This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
