A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
