I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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