the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
