You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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