I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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