i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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