OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
