our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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