NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
