took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
