I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize