So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
