I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
