We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
