I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
