I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
