I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
