with your own penis?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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