I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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