Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
