she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
