I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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