Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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