Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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