I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
