Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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