he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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