So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I think I died a long time ago.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Randomize