Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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