so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
