So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
