It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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