i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
