I don't usually arrange sex via text message
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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