The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
