I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
