oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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