Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize