Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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