the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
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