i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Also, beer. Big fan.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
