My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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