The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I am spending my child support on dildos
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
