there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
