i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
