You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
