By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
