M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
