3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
