Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
