Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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