you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
