i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
