Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
