I accidentally had phone sex last night
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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