He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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