Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
